Are You Really 'Online'? 5 Signals Tell You're Losing True Connection

I used to think being online meant being seen.

I spent years building social systems at Meta—designing interactive games that promised belonging through dopamine-driven feedback loops. But the more I coded, the clearer it became: our connections weren’t real. They were engineered. Optimized. Monetized.

The algorithm doesn’t care if you’re lonely. It only cares if you click.

I remember my mother’s voice in our Brooklyn kitchen: ‘You don’t need noise to be loved.’ She taught me that joy lives in stillness—not in likes.

Last week, I scrolled past another viral clip: a young creator crying over a DM about ‘Why no one replied?’

It wasn’t random—it was systemic.

We’ve been sold a myth: that engagement = intimacy. That a green heart can be quantified by swipe rate.

But here’s what the data hides:

1. Your last reply came at 3 AM—no one else was awake except you.
2. The ‘trending’ post? It’s been reshaped by bot networks—not community.
3. Your ‘like’ count? A mirror of your worth—designed by an auction house of attention.
4. The ‘follow’ button? A trap disguised as kinship—with every click, you pay with silence.
5. The ‘comment section’? A ghost town where vulnerability goes unacknowledged.

I don’t chase trends anymore.

Instead, I build slow rituals: a quiet walk before bed, an unread note left on my desk, a sketch in Figma of someone smiling without a filter, a single line of code that says: ‘You are seen—even when offline.’

The most radical act isn’t posting—it’s pausing.

And now I ask you: When was the last time you felt truly seen… not as data—but as breath?